Flexibility

I was talking to a friend. She was arguing about how immoveable her partner was about his fitness routine and diet. She didn’t want to know his calorie intake or burn. She asked not to be explained his routines. Yes, he would help her feed and bath the children. Put them to bed. But then he worked out. Every night. And she couldn’t accept how inflexible he was about this routine. I couldn’t help but wonder, "are you being flexible?" How do we create flexibility? We manage our expectations. We prioritize our values. We trust. Had my friend simply allowed her partner his experience, trusted his goals were important even if she didn’t understand them, in fact his motivations are just as important as her desire to sleep or relax, and expect this is his routine without question, it wouldn’t push her buttons. We have different priorities. All of us. When one’s person values conflicts with another, it can feel quite personal. We become rigid in our defense. How dare they make us feel about about our own stuff! We demand structure and consistency. What might shift if we allow everything to happen (and don't anticipate a problem)? I used to lose my cool when people were late. I would be incredibly insulted, assuming they thought their time was more valuable than mine, and a litany of other wild stories I told to justify my rage (and it was RAGE my friend). Now, I respect my own boundaries. I make appointments and schedule time. I shift commitments when needed. I cancel them when I want. No explanation, just a simple, cancellation. I schedule in my priorities first, and ensure they are addressed to suit my needs, first. And I understand and allow everyone else to do this the same. If you’re late, I trust you had good reason. If you can’t pay me, I'' check in. If you react, I’ll ask where your upset started before meeting you with another reaction. I bend. I bow. I stretch. I push. I flex. And everything moves, flows, and passes by. With ease.

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